Stephanie Sieberhagen

Relationship Specialist

Dr Steph's blog

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The Tao of Pooh

Posted by on April 26, 2020 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

You might be familiar with this wonderful little book which is really some Taoist (pronounced Daoist) wisdom for dummies like me. Tao is complicated, but the author - Benjamin Hoff, makes some of the most prevalent wisdoms of Tao easily available for everyday living. The principle I would like to share with you is that of the Uncarved Block.

The story goes that an acolyte was following his master and the master asked the acolyte to explain what a tree they were standing next to - would ...

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Posted by on April 19, 2020 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

As noted in previous blogs, the subtle meaning of words shift all the time. There are words that are in vogue now and by being so, they attract new meaning like a strong magnet. Suddenly there is a cluster of implied meanings that just congregate around an 'old' word, eclipsing the meaning we were comfortable with before, and giving us a new way to use this word.Before you know it, this word falls out of fashion again and becomes very untrendy. Just like it has become important to know about ...

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The new partner check list

Posted by on April 12, 2020 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

A dear friend asked me to compile a new partner checklist for her. After a separation some years ago, she was determined to make some more conscious relationship-choices in the future. We started chatting about this and agreed that the best place to start, was on the first date. Too  much emphasis nowadays is placed on - 'do they like me' instead of, 'do I like them?'. It's flattering when someone shows interest and we can easily fall in the trap of getting quite far into an involvement ...

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Time apart - a fine balance

Posted by on April 5, 2020 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

Friends of ours seperated recently. It is always a heart-breaking event filled with much analysis and regret on both sides. If only we had... Maybe if we... If only I...

Not to over-simplify their situation - relationships (especially long standing ones) are complex, but today I would like to focus on one element that caused a crack in their commitment toward each other. Four years ago they had a son. To try and maintain their finances and general well-being, they fell into the habit of...

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The unsaid

Posted by on March 29, 2020 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

It is said that the most important part of communication is hearing what is  not said. I think there are very many different important aspects to communication including the courage to speak up and the perseverance to stick with the subject even when red herrings are thrown your way. Hearing what is not said, however is definitely also key and here is a bit more about that:

But what does hearing the unsaid mean? I will give you a clue: They say men lie through exaggeration and wome...

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How big is your world

Posted by on March 22, 2020 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

We all live on the same planet, yet our experiences of our living spaces are so vastly different. I am not referring here to the financial restraints of abject poverty versus incredible wealth. What I am referring to is someone of middle income and how much they spread their wings in their world. I know a wide range of people - from those who border on agoraphobia (so they stay mostly within the confines of their homes) to those who can't sit still and are always off on a drive or a trip.

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The Ides of March

Posted by on March 15, 2020 at 1:15 AM Comments comments (0)

Julius Casear was fore-warned of his own death by a soothsayer who told him to '...beware the Ides of March' - which falls on the 15th of March every year. I have often pondered on predictions and what it would be like if we had a glimpse of the future. Of course, one would have to be sure it is a 100% accurate. Sadly, Robin Williams committed suicide when his specialist told him he had an incurable disease. It was only after his death that they discovered the specialist had made a mistake.

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Relationship diaries

Posted by on March 8, 2020 at 9:00 AM Comments comments (0)

How many times have we had sex in the last year? How many arguments have we had? What decisions did we make about how to handle specific situations? How does our division of chores work? How do we plan holidays and how much are we saving?

In the bad old days when men were men and women were...well, barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen, our relationship roles were defined for us by society. We were very clear on who washed the dishes, who brought home the bacon and who cleared out the b...

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Taking time off

Posted by on March 1, 2020 at 7:00 AM Comments comments (0)

Taking time off can be as simple as sitting down to a cup of coffee or a glass of wine or going on a three year sabbatical. We often let life decide just how much time we can afford to be away from work. But how much time off do we actually need? Is it important to take time off at all and what do we do with our time off?

Often time off is spent at home and it easily becomes a couch fest with series binge watching, or on the other side of the scale, a busy time when you get to do all th...

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Delayed gratification

Posted by on February 22, 2020 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

Another volitional process is that of delayed gratification. By now most people are aware of the Stanford Marshmellow Test, conductued by Walter Michel in the 1960's and 70's. This test has since been disputed and although delayed gratification is no longer the gold standard as a measure of future sucess, it is certainly a principal volitional process which comes into play on a daily basis and can determine how healthy we are and how hard we are willing to work. 

Witnessing the slo...

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