Stephanie Sieberhagen

Relationship Specialist

Dr Steph's blog

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Volitional processes

Posted by on February 15, 2020 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

What are volitional processes? The subject field of cognitive psychology lists volitional processes as: self-regulation; delayed gratification; executive functioning; autonomy and action control. Basically these are the behaviours that mature adults strive to achieve as much as possible. Our neurology or brain functioning should allow us to develop these abilities and achieving a high level of proficiency in all of them will create fertile ground for you to be higly functional and successful ...

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Posted by on February 8, 2020 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

While on the trip to Knysna, where I attended my best friend's father's memorial service, I took the opportunity to speak to a priest.

This is something I had been meaning to do for some time. As a psychologist, it occured to me that the bulk of work done by priests, ministers or clergymen of any kind, is pastoral counselling. Men of the cloth spend their entire lives hearing about people's guilt, regret, grief and sadness. They hear thousands of stories across their lifetimes. In ...

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Posted by on February 1, 2020 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

A few weeks ago, my best friend's father passed away. It was a heart wrenching time for all involved and the mourning process will run its course over the years to come. Driving back from Knysna, however, I reflected that the father had what could only be desrcibed as the best death one could possibly hope for. He was in his late eighties and had lived a long and productve life. He was still married to his one and only wife of more than sixty years and his four children lived in the same town...

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New beginnings

Posted by on January 1, 2020 at 9:00 AM Comments comments (0)

A New Year. A time to order our books, make changes and leap into new  projects and undertakings with lustful determination.

Astrologically speaking, new cycles are powerful and bring a lot of energy to the party. Social constructions, similarly, have a vice like grip on our beliefs and the actions we take accordingly. A new year captures both of these: the earth spins and a new calendar year starts and the world holds its breath as it readies itself for the next twelve months. Tha...

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The story of our lives

Posted by on December 1, 2019 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

The story of our lives

In the beginning we are all cute - we don’t need to work hard at it and we get tons of affection.

Later we have to work a little harder to get the attention we want.

We all have dreams and desires, most of which we seem to think are unique to ourselves.

And yet clearly, these desires are more common to everybody than we thought.

As with dreams, we share similar problems too. Very few wives or mothers haven’t thought...

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The story of cavemen (and women)

Posted by on November 1, 2019 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)

In the days of the cavemen, life expectancy was much lower than it is today. The average person could hope to live to the ripe old age of 30. Averages being what they are – few made it that far. Which means besides being an elder right now, I would be a bit of an anomally. In fact, let’s face it – I would be dead. This idea has had me thinking. I often talk to my clients about my cave man theory. The basic premise being that we were cavemen for many millions of years...

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Just another day

Posted by on October 1, 2019 at 9:00 AM Comments comments (0)

The following essay is posted here with permission from a client who will remain anonymous:

Just another day, just another fight. Another family issue, this time ours, or is it ours. Is it ‘us’? Will it matter, does it matter, that we are not married. Maybe it does matter to me, maybe it does have to do with the fact that he wants so much from me, but all I am is the girlfriend, oh, she’s only your girlfriend. So many expectations, so much pressure. So many peopl...

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The Herriot principle

Posted by on September 1, 2019 at 9:00 AM Comments comments (0)

I’ve been reading James Herriot. Not just the occasional narrative while I’m on the loo, the much interrupted short bit before I fall asleep. No, the whole set. In fact the boxed set. All 8 books. A bit of a treasury really. It’s been an incredible experience and my stomach, as I sit here writing this, tightens in a knot to think that it is a finite one. One night I will read the last words. There will be no more. Because you see, it’s been a real surreal or m...

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Winter madness

Posted by on August 1, 2019 at 9:00 AM Comments comments (0)

Posted with permission from a client who will remain anonymous:

My daily chocolate has become a vigil. An energy booster that I can no longer do without. Disguised wafer or paying for empty bubbles, I hear the vending machine call me, I hear the cafe whispering my name. Much more than sugar I seem to not let those crucial 24 hours slip by before I put my hand into my pocket once again. They have come to know my face as I guiltily order the drug of my seduction. I relent time and ti...

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Your shorts are too short!

Posted by on July 1, 2019 at 9:00 AM Comments comments (0)

A friend of my daughter's comes from a conservative Christian family. She is 12 years old and the two girls (along with a third) have been bff's since Grade R. A while ago, the friend came over for a visit. I was shocked to see what she was wearing. The denim shorts were cut-off (more torn) so short, that her underwear was showing. I faced a conundrum: I didn't want to offend the friend or her mother/ upset the friendship but I also desperately needed her to not be wearing such revealing clot...

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